G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra

2009 - Paramount Pictures
Directed By Stephen Sommers


SYNOPSIS

When a group of new warheads ordered by the U.S. Government is stolen by a new terrorist group, an elite military unit called G.I. Joe is tasked with retrieving them. But this terrorist group, COBRA, activates them and launches them toward several major world capitals. Now G.I. Joe must stop them.

MY THOUGHTS

As loud, obnoxious and idiotic as a frat party.

Seemingly with each and every year, Hollywood's 'paint-by-number' 'must-please-everyone' blockbusters  lose more and more touch with reality.

Though set in the 'near future,' the technology of both the good guys and the bad guys is light-years beyond anything you'd find on Star Trek. If the militaries of the world had secret technologies, they wouldn't be as advanced as this in hundreds of years, even at the current evolution rate of technology.


GI Joe breaks more laws of physics than Batman & Robin. The 80's animated TV series the film was based on is far more grounded in the real world.

The actors all treat the material as serious as if it were a Shakespeare tragedy, except Marlon Wayans, who plays "Mandatory Standard Comic Relief Character." A wink and a nod to the audience would go a long way here, but is absent. There are too many interconnected lives and histories between the good and evil sides to be remotely believable.



The action is so frenetically paced and the editing is so quick, it is occasionally hard to follow.... clearly the Michael Bay influence (as Bay's Transformers films preceded this in the "80's cartoon/toy line as live-action feature film" genre.)
In the climactic undersea battle, shots of both the GI Joe and Cobra crafts are so brief, you can't recognize which is which later in the battle.
The first action scene is very far fetched, and the absurdity builds exponentially with each action set piece. About halfway through the film, I was howling with laughter at the lunacy of it all. Far more hilarious than any intentional comedy I'd seen in awhile.

Now you know how dumb this film is, and knowing is half the battle.