The Top 5 Cinematic Experiences That Nearly Killed Me

5. Batman & Robin (1997)

A personal hero of mine, his cohorts and his villains are horrifically brutalized from a dreadful script. They are the lucky ones. They don't have to watch themselves. Put a gun to my head.



Cause of Death: Suicide.

4. TIE: Pulp Fiction (1994)
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1995)

You know you're watching something amazing and you sit there with a big dopey grin on your face, experiencing pure bliss. Seeing these two in the theater did just that.





Cause of Death: Glee

3. TIE: Dumb & Dumber (1994)
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Some movies hurt because they're terrible. Some are just too funny, causing severe internal injuries. These films are the latter. I could have choked to death from the lack of oxygen from laughing too hard. Somehow I was able to stay in my theater seat.





Cause of Death: Choking to death from laughter

2. The Empire Strikes Back (1982 Re-release)

My dad took me to see this in '82 soon after I saw the first one on TV and fell in love. I was not even 5 years old, yet still remember the film-going experience vividly today. I didn't understand it all, but was in awe. If it's possible to die from awesome, this is it.



Cause of Death: Awesomeness

1. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)

Imagine yourself tied up like Han Solo in Return Of The Jedi rotating over an open flame. Meanwhile, you're slowly sliced into with a hacksaw in multiple locations by several people. This Steven Segal film is kinda like that, but with explosions.



Cause of Death: Brutal Torture